Sadness

Last night I cut my hair. It turned out pretty cute. I gave myself some swishy side bangs. Then cut in some face framing pieces and trimmed the bottom so it wasn't scraggly.

We went to the gym. It was SO much fun! I loved it! I'm a little sore today but not too bad at all. I was just learning everything mostly. We did leg presses and I did 540lbs!!! Pretty darn good if I do say so!

This chick is a beast. Who exercises in a bikini? Show off.

We went home. Happy with the day excited for our next trip to the gym. We went to bed. At about 1:45am we got a phone call. It was Justins Mom. His stepdad had just died in his sleep.

His stepdad has had some troubles and has been to the doctor. I'm not sure all of the details but the doctors had recently given him about 5 years to live. No one expected it to be a couple weeks. They aren't really sure how he died. The ambulance people suspected accidental overdose. He had a lot of different pills the doctor prescribed. Justins Mom says no way.

Today hasn't been a good day. He's not in pain anymore so that's good. But I keep thinking how he won't be at the wedding. Justin brought this up and realizing that he's upset by it makes me very emotional. He won't get to meet our future kids. Justin and his Mom, Debbie, seem to be taking it better than I am. They accept it better. Me?...not so much.

I lost my Grandpa last November. I remember because it was before my families big get together for Thanksgiving. He wasn't there. Ever since then I'll just start crying. People die all the time. You could see them one day. Any number of things could happen and they could die the next. It has made me very aware of how short life is. I worry about people. It makes me nervous when people aren't with me. I worry that something bad might happen to them. Irrational, I know, but true. Cars make me exceptionally nervous. I see bad things happening. Picture it in my head. Then I start to tear up. It's part of why, at age 23, I still don't have my license. I'm paranoid that I might get in a crash. It scares me. There's not any one time I can recall that might have made me feel this way. It's just always put me on edge to be in vehicles.

Anywho, let me bottle up this emotion really fast before Justin sees. I have definitely been better.